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قديم 12-03-2010, 10:28 PM   #1
Pluie
عضو نشيط
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ Pluie
Pluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبول
Endless Spirals

Endless Spirals






It was but her sixth year into this world. She was angelically Innocent, brittle and ignorant when it first began. She broke a cup to grasp her idle mother's attention for it was the only thing she strongly desired. She observed her mother run into her bedroom and storm out. Before she could notice the belt in her mommy's hand, she smiled. Innocent as she was, she could not understand that the clothing accessory had become a mean to kill. Then came the hits, whip after whip. She cried as loud as she could. "Mommy, why? Mommy, why? "But it was all in vain.
Every night thereafter, she was beaten, sometimes for wrongs, sometimes for rights. Justice played no part in her misery and she knew it well.
It was now her daily routine. Like all routines, it first aroused her emotions. It made her weep, shiver and shout. Then one day, she ceased shouting and fighting back. Her tears became a habitual manner. She would shift her thoughts to her future and think: "I will never become like you!" She would repeat the words in her mind until they were muttered audibly, for repeating them was all she could do to silence her rage.

She was unknowingly sinking in an abyss of Apathy.

On a fall night, when she was no longer fragile, she followed the wind. She knew not where to go, but that did not matter as she kept running. She ran from –and to- the gap of darkness.

Years went by and she never stopped escaping. "Never will I become like her!" was all that haunted her all these years. "Never will I become like her!" were the words she angrily uttered as she held the Belt in her hands and dashed towards her little boy too.



 

 

Pluie غير متواجد حالياً
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قديم 13-03-2010, 09:09 AM   #2
لِيه أبقَى
مميز التقنية والاتصالات الحديثة
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ لِيه أبقَى
لِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحبلِيه أبقَى فوق  هام السحب

-

I see here a lot of sad , you have a wonderfull drafting
when I read this story , my heart has broken really
mapy because I think that there are someone have this
situation or have a similar .
thank for the first step there in ela , and welcome to
our world .



 

 

لِيه أبقَى غير متواجد حالياً
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قديم 13-03-2010, 02:35 PM   #3
مكية
من كبار مميزين الاكاديمية والثقافية
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ مكية
مكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحبمكية فوق  هام السحب

it is a great story..and it touches my feelings
I think the anger is not the answer
and we can really decide "what kind of the persons we will be"
but we cant do that when we are so angry and when we keep escaping from our fears.

Pluie
I know..my E language is too bad
but I cant pass her with out telling you thank you!

for any one like me
this is the vocabulary of this story

Spirals:
a process, usually a harmful one, in which something gradually but continuously gets worse or better
angelically
looking good, kind, and gentle or behaving in this way:

brittle
hard but easily broken
ignorant
not knowing facts or information that you ought to know

grasp
to take and hold something firmly
idle
not serious, or not done with any definite intention
desired
a strong hope or wish
observed
to watch something or someone carefully:
storm
to go somewhere in a noisy fast way that shows you are extremely angry


Thereafter
after a particular event or time

beaten
to hit someone or something many times with your hand, a stick
misery
great suffering that is caused for example by being very poor or very sick:

routine
the usual order in which you do things, or the things you regularly do:

aroused
to make someone feel very unfriendly and angry,
shiver
a slight shaking movement of your body caused by cold or fear
ceased
to stop doing something or stop happening
manner.
the way in which something is done or happens
audibly
a sound that is audible is loud enough for you to hear it
rage
a strong feeling of uncontrollable anger:
sinking
to go down below the surface of water, mud etc
abyss
a very dangerous or frightening situation
Apathy
the feeling of not being interested in something, and not willing to make any effort to change or improve things:
gap
a space between two objects or two parts of an object, especially because something is missing
uttered
to say something
vain
without purpose or without positive result



 

 

مكية غير متواجد حالياً
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قديم 13-03-2010, 03:50 PM   #4
Pluie
عضو نشيط
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ Pluie
Pluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبول
إقتباس »
الرسالة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة لِيه أبقَى »

-

I see here a lot of sad , you have a wonderfull drafting
when I read this story , my heart has broken really
mapy because I think that there are someone have this
situation or have a similar .
thank for the first step there in ela , and welcome to
our world .


It's comments like these that make me love writing even more.

By the way, it isn't my first time here
Thanks for the warm welcome ,though!




 

 

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قديم 13-03-2010, 03:54 PM   #5
Pluie
عضو نشيط
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ Pluie
Pluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبولPluie التقييم مقبول
إقتباس »
الرسالة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة مكية »

it is a great story..and it touches my feelings
I think the anger is not the answer
and we can really decide "what kind of the persons we will be"
but we cant do that when we are so angry and when we keep escaping from our fears.

Pluie
I know..my E language is too bad
but I cant pass her with out telling you thank you!

for any one like me
this is the vocabulary of this story

Spirals:
a process, usually a harmful one, in which something gradually but continuously gets worse or better
angelically
looking good, kind, and gentle or behaving in this way:

brittle
hard but easily broken
ignorant
not knowing facts or information that you ought to know

grasp
to take and hold something firmly
idle
not serious, or not done with any definite intention
desired
a strong hope or wish
observed
to watch something or someone carefully:
storm
to go somewhere in a noisy fast way that shows you are extremely angry


Thereafter
after a particular event or time

beaten
to hit someone or something many times with your hand, a stick
misery
great suffering that is caused for example by being very poor or very sick:

routine
the usual order in which you do things, or the things you regularly do:

aroused
to make someone feel very unfriendly and angry,
shiver
a slight shaking movement of your body caused by cold or fear
ceased
to stop doing something or stop happening
manner.
the way in which something is done or happens
audibly
a sound that is audible is loud enough for you to hear it
rage
a strong feeling of uncontrollable anger:
sinking
to go down below the surface of water, mud etc
abyss
a very dangerous or frightening situation
Apathy
the feeling of not being interested in something, and not willing to make any effort to change or improve things:
gap
a space between two objects or two parts of an object, especially because something is missing
uttered
to say something
vain
without purpose or without positive result

I completely agree with what you said
Thank YOU for reading it and sharing your lovely thoughts




 

 

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قديم 13-03-2010, 04:28 PM   #6
Serenity
من كبار شخصيات الإقلاع
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ Serenity
Serenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحبSerenity فوق  هام السحب
Justice played no part in her misery and she knew it well.


This line represents not only her case but all cases of oppression all over the world! .It's a great shame that tyranny is the only treat which is considered by majority of people who have a chance to be in charge of others


"I will never become like you!"
poor kid : ( ..it seems to me that her words are nothing but an act of a silent fighting that takes place inside...waiting for the right time to come out : ( and she is totally unaware of that..she lost the control of her awake feelings toward theses pains

She was unknowingly sinking in an abyss of Apathy.

vivid ..and highly elevated line... !

She ran from –and to- the gap of darkness.

apparently she didn't take ''no'' as an option

I would place this line and write it in the very end of the story..for it would be proper as a deductive sentence rather than a predictive one



Thanks for the read





 

 


اخر تعديل كان بواسطة » Serenity في يوم » 13-03-2010 عند الساعة » 04:30 PM.
Serenity غير متواجد حالياً
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قديم 13-03-2010, 10:11 PM   #7
*روبين*
Senior English Expert
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ *روبين*
*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب*روبين* فوق  هام السحب
I admire your writing very much
I really like it though it is full of violence
plz always show us your writings for they are really special
I think this harshness shows the fact that some persons are not worthy to be responsible at all , and if they are to be deprived of that blessing , they will not do something like that




 

 

*روبين* غير متواجد حالياً
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قديم 14-03-2010, 03:37 AM   #8
RainAroma
Senior English Expert
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ RainAroma
RainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحبRainAroma فوق  هام السحب
\\

!! What you've written is simply a beautiful piece of art
honestly.. i loved it & enjoyed it

i loved the language, narration, the plot, the ironical twist, psychological depth
and above all the feminine touch in it
....

You're such a talent
God bless you



 

 


اخر تعديل كان بواسطة » RainAroma في يوم » 14-03-2010 عند الساعة » 03:45 AM.
RainAroma غير متواجد حالياً
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قديم 14-03-2010, 12:16 PM   #9
*+* رحيـــل *+*
خبير اقلاعي
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ *+* رحيـــل *+*
*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها*+* رحيـــل *+* سمعته يفتخر بها
I touched the wonderful empathy and depth of humane in your story .
It includes amount of violence inside it but it describes agony of others from
their unresponsible families .


Thanks for this piece of beauty.



 

 

*+* رحيـــل *+* غير متواجد حالياً
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قديم 15-03-2010, 09:42 PM   #10
Pr!NceSs ..
خبير إقلاعي مميز
 
الصورة الرمزية الخاصة بـ Pr!NceSs ..
Pr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحبPr!NceSs .. فوق  هام السحب



إقتباس »
Innocent as she was, she could not understand that the clothing accessory had become a mean to kill




what a depressing life
actually , I admire the way u write this words and the dramatic feelings
and how it complains of apathy that this innocent child has suffered !!!
really I feel like I'm reading such a sad story in a book !

all what I can say is amazing , it's really beautiful and creative words
god blessing u




 

 

Pr!NceSs .. غير متواجد حالياً
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